Does your counselor already know your marriage is over?

 Posted on November 20, 2019 in Uncategorized

If you and your spouse are usually able to work through your differences calmly, or at least agree to disagree, you may have opted to try marriage counseling when your relationship began to deteriorate. Working with a Texas counselor may help you see your issues from a different perspective, and this can be a good way to resolve stubborn conflicts.

Unfortunately, marriage counseling is not the cure-all for every couple. As much as you may have hoped to work out your differences and preserve your marriage, you may recognize some of the signs counselors see that often indicate the marriage cannot be saved.

When cheating does irreparable damage

Infidelity is not always a deal breaker, but there are indications that an affair will doom the marriage. It often depends on the actions the unfaithful spouse is willing to take to repair the damage. For example, if your spouse refuses to cut ties with the other person or is unwilling to acknowledge the hurt the affair has caused, you may be right to want out of the marriage.

On the other hand, it is possible that you simply cannot forgive your spouse's mistake, no matter how much remorse he or she shows. You may know yourself well enough to realize the affair will always come between you, and no amount of counseling will change it.

Other factors

A couple does not necessarily have to deal with infidelity to suffer irreconcilable differences. Your counselor may notice any of the following that suggest you may not be able to save your marriage:

• Arguing that includes digging up old grudges just to hurt each other
• Calling each other names or speaking disrespectfully to each other
• Refusing to take responsibility for your part in the marriage breakdown
• Sitting far apart from each other and refusing to touch or look at each other
• Expressing hopelessness that the relationship will survive

In fact, your counselor may be concerned if you or your spouse seem indifferent to each other. Shedding tears during marriage counseling is often an indication that a couple still has feelings for each other, so if you or your spouse seems emotionally cut off, your counselor may conclude that the relationship may not survive.

However, you may already know this. If you were willing to try to peacefully resolve your marital differences through counseling, you may also prefer a more peaceful way to end your marriage. Through mediation, you and your spouse can minimize the possibility of adding further pain to your situation by avoiding a difficult and contentious courtroom divorce.